You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
