Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
