I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
