I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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