i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
