You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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