i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
