"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
