You're my little dorito
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
