I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
