I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
