I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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