while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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