Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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