i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You pole danced in your parka.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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