1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
