Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
