Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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