No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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