Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
