god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
