Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
