So gin and wine won't be happening again
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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