dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
