I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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