I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
