A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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