your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
