Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
