did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
