can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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