There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
