You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
