I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
