So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
