that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't deserve a penis
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
