it was like eating out sand paper
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
