Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
