Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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