he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
