I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
