The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
