so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
