we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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