matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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