Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
