So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
