you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
