the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have fence marks all over my body
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i believe in u and ur pee
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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