I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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