But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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