I skipped work to stalk him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this will be a night to untag.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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