oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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