he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
