i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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