He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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