Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
