when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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