Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come on in and take your pants off
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