Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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