I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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