No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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