Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
