at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
